#peta

Yesterday, Buzzfeed asked the question: How Long Can Beyoncé Get Away With Wearing Fur And Snakeskin?

And today, I have the answer: for as long as she damn well pleases.

PETA is all up in Beyonce’s business over her penchant for fur and animal skins–most recently, regarding these custom PMK shoes made from a variety of expensive animal hides:

beyonce shoes

(via)

I need to reiterate that while I do not support wedge sneakers, that’s not the issue at hand. I should also note that Old Man Morrissey is himself in a kerfuffle and recently bashed Queen Bey during a concert. Naturally, I have to defend my girl, but let me just say that you could replace Beyonce with pretty much anyone else and I’d still be giving PETA the same much-needed advice.

 

Why PETA needs to calm down about Beyonce’s Shoes

 

I dunno, maybe let’s address some animals people care about

beyonce shoes

(via Daily Mail)

PMK pulled off some next level Frankensteinian shit to put these together. They also went for a the most random-ass assortment of animals I’ve heard of. Look, Beyonce’s not skinning baby chimps for a pair of hot pants. PETA, do you really expect the public to get worked up over the use of stingray and anaconda skin? ANACONDAS? Really? Whether or not we should be upset, I’m not sure that this is the card you should be playing to garner support.

 

Perspective is a good thing

beyonce shoes

(via)

You guys perhaps need to pick your battles a bit more wisely. There’s not now going to be some massive demand for ostrich shoes and iguana leotards just because Beyonce wore them. No normal person can even afford this stuff. Don’t you have more pressing issues to focus on? Like why this happened?

 

Stop knocking a bad bitch’s steeze

beyonce shoes

As far as I’m concerned, PETA, this is your number one goal as an organization. The only time we ever hear about them is when they’re slamming celebrities over what they wore. I know that going after famous people generates more publicity than actually doing something, but it’s getting old. As I said before, are high-end fur and animal skin products really the most important issues you have to tackle? If so, I strongly suggest you look into using your resources in a manner that actually enacts some change. Go adopt a pound full of puppies or maybe, I dunno, trying help humans for a change. Leave all the bad bitches and Kim Kardashian alone. Damn, can they live?

-K

#rickross

I would argue that Rick Ross is the most entertaining, opulent, fat guy of our life and times. His Instagram is a shining example of this fact and a beacon of hope for all who dream of dolla dolla bills.

Keeping with the theme of “Rich Forever,” on Saturday morning, the Teflon Don posted this picture to his Instagram:

Screen Shot 2013-01-06 at 10.31.29 AM

(via Rick Ross)

Of course, the logical first reaction is: “What the hell? Is that a lion? Maybe it’s a leopard? Where did he get a baby leopard?!” Followed by another series of very pressing questions:

  • Wait, seriously, what kind of animal is that?

  • He’s clearly at home or a hotel and not a zoo or wildlife preserve. Who brought a baby leopard to the home of Rick Ross?

  • Can you just order baby leopards for cuddle sessions?

  • Did he go through the process of bringing a baby leopard to his residence for the sole purpose of taking this Instagram picture or were there other off-camera activities?

  • Did he put that fur coat on specifically for this picture or does he just wear it around his house like a rich man’s bathrobe?

  • Can someone let us know what’s going on out of the frame? Are people waiting close by in case something goes down or keeping their distance to save themselves?

  • How far in advance did he plan this out? How long does it take to organize something like this?

  • SERIOUSLY WHAT IS HE DOING WITH A WILD ANIMAL IN HIS BEDROOM?

Rick, I’m waiting.

As always, one of the best parts of this little display of ridiculousness were the comments it garnered:

“To bad u killed his cousin to wear that coat”

Hmmm? Maybe he’s color blind because I’m preeettty sure those aren’t the same animal. Besides, are people even allowed to make coats out of actual leopards anymore? Sweet Jesus I hope not.

“I’m glad ur showing ur softer side as an animal lover b/c I love animals too”

He loves animals so much that he wears them as coats to keep them close to him at all times.

“Is it fucked up of me to want it to bite you? I’m sorry, I like to see stuff like that…”

It is, but it’s fine. I kinda do too. However, I also recognize that this is a still photograph and not a live video feed so I’m not exactly holding my breath.

“Is that his littler brother ur wearing?”

Again, HOW does that look like it’s the same animal?

“@PETA”

Said the only responsible Rick Ross fan on Instagram.

I absolutely love the idea that he went through all the trouble of getting a baby leopard just for this picture. If I had to put money on it, however, I’d bet that it was for some sort of photoshoot, which really doesn’t lesson the ridiculousness of the entire premise–just contextualizes it. Still, things like this do worry me a bit because it drives home the fact that a Rick Ross without an obscene amount of money is no Rick Ross at all. Rich Forever, indeed.

-K

 

#trendingtopics

Each week we take a look at what was trending on Twitter and provide some deep and meaningful insight. Or we just bitch about it.

October 6th-October 12th

  • Pokemon

When: 10/10

Why: PETA accuses Pokemon of promoting animal abuse

Shir: I say this as an outspoken animal lover and vegetarian: PETA, you need to shut the fuck up, now. Just because Lady Gaga hasn’t stepped out in a new meat dress or some fur ensemble, doesn’t mean you need to keep spewing shit from your mouth. It is OK to take a break sometimes, believe it or not.

Kara: PETA needs to slow their damn roll. They’ve really gone downhill since they stopped throwing paint on old ladies in fur coats. Are we classifying made up hybrid cartoon characters as actual animals now? Just for that, PETA, I’M HAVING STEAK ON STEAK ON STEAK FOR DINNER.

  • Game 4

When: 10/11

Why: Fourth game of the Yankees vs. Orioles playoff series

Shir: You would think that living in NYC would make me care about this in some way, but nope…not even close. I somehow found that watching Joe Biden and Paul Ryan was a lot more entertaining, and that says a lot.

Kara: They lost this one, right? GOOD. The only thing worse than Boston sports fans are New York sports fans and I say that now having lived in both cities. Maybe if these peeps didn’t actually believe their team was made up of invincible demigods they’d deal better with loss. It’s time to come back to Earth y’all.

  • Unapologetic

When: 10/11

Why: Rihanna releases the title and cover for her new album

Shir: Hey KB, is it too soon to start a public countdown for Rihanna’s show in May? That we already have tickets for? I think not. 203 days left to go!

Kara: LAJSDLFKJASLJFAK HEY GUYS I’M A LITTLE EXCITED ABOUT THIS! My best friend RiRi is coming out with a new album in November, haven’t ya huuurrd? (Just in time for my birthday, she’s such a sweetheart.) We might have to make this release date a #sasstag holiday.

  • #50ThingsAboutMyBoyfriend

When: 10/12

Why: Look up the word “dumb” in the dictionary and it’ll all be explained

Shir: Logistical issues I am having with this hashtag: 1) the people who started it certainly cannot have boyfriends, and 2) how could you possibly describe 50 things about someone in one tweet? You can’t. Which means these dumb bitches are sending out multiple tweets using this hashtag. Stupid stupid stupid. Unfollow. End of story.

Kara: I hate everyone who was involved in this in any way shape or form. If you participated in this hashtag and actually had a boyfriend, there’s no way you still do. I’ll help you make a new list for #50ThingsAboutMyBoyfriend: He’s not real, he doesn’t exist, he’s imaginary…

#wakaflockaflame

We all know that Waka Flocka Flame is a creative genius. What I love most about him is that every time I listen to his music, I feel like I’m being unschooled just a little bit but in the best possible way.

Waka certainly doesn’t disappoint with his new track, “Rooster In My Rari“. Go take a listen.

I mean, whoa, right?

Quite clearly, aside from the chorus, the best lyrics of the song are:

Throwin throwin throwing dough
Throwing dough, throwin dough
Throwing dough, throwin dough
Bitch I said throwing stacks

Get ready for this song to be stuck in your head from now through September.

Last night, Waka Flocka released behind the scenes footage from the filming of the music video and I decided to just give up on life right then and there because nothing could possibly top that.

If you’re not a heavy cocaine user with an affinity for colloquialism, you might not know that a “rooster” is slang for a brick of cocaine. And because he’s Waka Flocka Flame, for the video, he decided to get reeeaaal literal up in this bitch.

THERE IS LITERALLY A ROOSTER IN A RARI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOLO indeed.

For all you regular people out there, a “Rari” is slang for a car you’ll probably never own….mostly because they’re kind of ugly.

Waka Flocka, being the animal right’s activist that he is…

(via PETA)

…opted to feature a man dressed in a rooster costume rather than risk any harm to actual roosters. I don’t care if it was his love of animals or an ingenious creative decision, I’m just glad that there is footage of a man in an animatronic rooster costume.

Serious question, are we supposed to read this as, “Rooster Actor”, thus implying that this is the actor playing the rooster? Or as, “Rooster: Actor”, informing us that the rooster is, in fact, an actor and not an actual rooster? (Side note: Without knowing a single detail, I can tell you right now that this man is not getting paid enough.)

Now, for my absolute favorite part of the video:

In this moment I could not possible love Waka any more. This poor brother is trying to spit game in a motherfucking rooster suit while Waka just rubs it in his face like a pimp.

I now leave you with a few more questions to ponder about Waka Flocka Flame’s latest creative endeavor:

  • Would an actual rooster have been better?
  • Does the brilliance of Waka Flocka Flame know any boundaries?
  • Are those girl’s parents proud of her?
  • Will people starting driving around in their hooptys with a few ounces of cocaine and assert that there is a rooster in their Rari? And on the flip side…
  • When you consider that fact that someone who is in possession of a brick of cocaine probably has (or is able to have) access to a Ferrari, and vice versa, how many of them other than Waka actually engage in this activity?
  • What is the exact date and time that this video will make YouTube history and dethrone the Biebs for most-watched video of all time?

-K