#llcoolj

People Who Need To Just Stop: LL Cool J and Brad Paisley

 

LL Cool J and Brad Paisley

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I’m going to make this quick and dirty. Yesterday Brad Paisley dropped a shit-crusted atomic bomb on the world and walked away like it was nothing:

Nope. Uhh uhh. Hell no. HELLZ TO THE INFINITY NO. This is not happening. Nobody needs this nobody wants this nobody asked for this. We are not doing this again. I don’t care if it pleases the court or not, I OBJECT I OBJECT I OBJECT.

There is probably nothing the world needs less than another poorly thought-out LL Cool J and Brad Paisley collabo. Wasn’t desecrating years of work towards racial unity and understanding enough? Wasn’t forcing hip hop blogs to write about a man named after a pattern that should only be reserved for neckties and pocket squares enough? WHEN WILL IT BE ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE?

You already shit all over the historical significance of slavery. What’s next? Wanna go after Martin Luther King? Malcolm X? Think Rosa Parks needs a bit more disrepsectin’ or that George Washington Carver and his beautiful peanuts need to be undermined a bit more?

I’m largely directing this at LL because he should really know better. I expect nothing from Brad Paisley but LL Cool J is one of the original dukes of hip hop. Never mind the fact that he damn near had a full head of hair the last time he produced any decent music. Unfortunately, we can’t erase history so hip hop is kind of stuck with LL Cool J at this point.

I recognize that this song could very likely not being about racism or race or anything else beyond the misunderstanding of these two stupid hat wearing men. But I don’t even want to give them another shot. They’ve used up their chances. It’s done. It’s over. We don’t want what you’re selling anymore.

-K

#throwitback

“Workout Plan” by Kanye West

With the release of Ray J’s new single, we’d like to take this time to remind you all that while Ray J may have been there first, Kanye definitely did it better. (In the musical sense, of course.) So even though we have mixed feelings about Kimye, we fully believe that Kanye > Ray J.

We can’t wait for Kris Humphries to release his single.

#thisvsthat

backstreet boys nsync

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#beyonce

 7 Thoughts on Beyonce’s New Song

Beyonce's new song

Warning: I stan harrrrd for Queen Bey and you really can’t tell me nothing. Beyonce Giselle Knowles released a new song on her next level Tumblr yesterday called Bow Down / I Been On. This is the first new music we’ve gotten from her in nearly two years and yes yes yessss.

 

1) This probably isn’t the first single

Some pretty reliable sources have confirmed that “Bow Down / I Been On” are actually snippets from two different songs, specifically noting the different production teams for each track:

It’s also worth mentioning that neither title was on the maybe probably real track listing for her new album that was leaked a couple weeks ago, so there’s that.

Basically, if you’re really feeling the first part but not the second, or if you think the track sounds a bit disjointed, then you’ll probably be satisfied later.


2) People who think she’s talking about her fans are stupid stupidheads

I’ve come across a few misled fools who are offended by the lyrics of the song because they think Beyonce is addressing them directly by telling them to bow down. First off, trick, please. She’s not talking to you. She’s talking about the 9823409812 other female singers who think they’re even close to her level (cough cough number 6 cough cough).

 

3) If there’s a video, it’s going to be banana boats

Will she just sit on her throne as her loyal subject bow down to her dancing heels? Will she H-Town twerk it til her hips break? Will she make people bow down to Blue Ivy also? Will she look anything like this because SWEET JESUS I HOPE SO.

Beyonce's new song

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4) The cover art is epic

Beyonce's new song

(via Beyonce)

Werrrrqqqq lil Honey Boo Boo Beyonce.

5) I took some time to live my life/But don’t think I’m just his little wife

This line is just errrything. And you know Hov probably loves. it. because he holds her down “’03 Bonnie and Clyde” style.

6) Keri Hilson should probably be put on suicide watch

Beyonce's new song

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Keri has been getting it rough lately (although it’s entirely her fault) and that was just from Beyonce’s fans. Now the actual Queen has stood up and taken a shot and I’m not sure how she can recover from this short of auditioning to be a backup singer on the Mrs. Carter Tour.

 

7) She’s really letting her edge(s) show

Beyonce's new song

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We’ve known Sasha Fierce for awhile now but she was just that–fierce. This new Beyonce is hard and she’s here to snatch wigs, weaves and Louboutins. Look, relateable Beyonce is cool, but badass bitch Beyonce is untouchable.

-K

 

#throwitback

“Cry Me A River” by Justin Timberlake

After six years of a prolonged acting experiment and SNL tomfoolery, Justin Timberlake is back with a vengeance. (A literal vengeance at that because homeboy is EVERYWHERE. And now he’s on #sasstag.) The 20/20 Experience is great but it made us a bit nostalgic for his old sounds. Give this a spin and continue to be happy that you’re not Britney Spears.

#aaroncarter

For those who don’t know what Aaron Carter has been up to lately, I highly suggest catching yourself up . His activity on Twitter is truly one of the sadder things on the Internet. He has announced several “exciting” professional and personal developments over the past few months, like the fact that he is touring again (because apparently he still has fans who want to see him perform live??) as well as the details of his birthday party.

 

A recent interview with Billboard reveals how truly delusional AC is and how much he is trying to relive his glory days. Although he does not currently have a deal with a record label, Aaron Carter has been in the studio working on some new beats. Totally fine- he isn’t the first to record music without having someone backing him up. However, the way he generally views his current life is a little worrisome because he thinks he can be successful again?? I’m not sure. It’s weird.

 

Problematic Statement #1

 

“It’s me. That’s who I am. I’m a pop star, not a rock star, not a rap star. Actually, I’m a rap star, too, I guess.”

 

NOPE. NO YOU’RE NOT. YOU ARE NOT A RAP STAR. There is simply no debating that. You’re also not a pop star either simply because you are not a star by any definition of the word.

 

Problematic Statement # 2

 

“I want it to be another party record — ‘Aaron’s Party, Part 2,’”

 

This CD may be the least anticipated sequel in the history of Hollywood. Since there was obviously no demand for a second version of an album he released when he was 12 for over ten years now, I think he should probably start from scratch.

 

Problematic Statement #3

 

“It’s so intense to be able to do these songs and have people lose their minds again, just like they did back in the day. It’s almost like (the fans) are seeing a ghost or something”

 

I’m glad he’s recognizing how weird it can feel to imagine him performing his songs on stage. Like he said, it is very intense- but not for the reasons he thinks. It generally is an extremely weird feeling to watch someone be sooo desperate. And it is hard to believe people have let him get this far in his second coming, so yeah, it would be just like seeing a ghost because it is literally unbelievable.

 

Problematic Statement #4 (in response to what people throw on stage during his shows)

 

“Oh yeah, bras and all kinds of stuff, we all crack up about it.”

 

Who are these people at his show? Throwing bras on stage? I’m not buying it. And who is “we all”? I really don’t believe he has people sitting around with him post-show laughing about that. That he has “a team.” He’s probably too busy trying to get his (imaginary) fans to hang out with him after he is done performing to have a posse.

Case in point:

She is certain she will meet him again if she goes to his show because that is just what he does.

I will leave you with an AC  Instagram selfie- which he captioned “Hola!!” Enjoy.

aaron carter

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-S