People Who Need To Just Stop:
Today calls for a group edition of People Who Need To Just Stop because I can’t decide who needs to take a bigger seat. So, here are three people who need to get their lives in check.
Haven’t seen this one in awhile, huh? The Situation is finally getting around to filming his reality show because the entire nation has been tightly wringing our weather-inappropriate beanies in anticipation. Need it really be stated how wildly unnecessary this is? Situation, you’re done, homie. We think you’re creepy and find your abs to be very oddly shaped for a human being. The Jersey Shore has come to an and and while we appreciate your service to the cause of being completely ridiculous and humiliating Italian Americans, we’re ready to call it a day. We already have “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” Hasn’t our common sense and brain function taken enough of a hit?
In more unnecessary television programming, Vanilla Ice also has a reality show in the works called: Vanilla Ice Goes Amish. OIAJSDFK JASKLDFJ AKLSDF ASDFASKDFJ AKSLDFJAKLSJFASK KILL ME NOW I’M DEAD DEAD ALKSDFJ ALSKFJDASKLF
LEAVE AMISH PEOPLE ALONE! First we were enamored with child beauty queens, then Guidos and Boston townies and now the Amish obsession is in full swing. Let’s be honest, are the Amish really that interesting? Like, interesting enough that we should watch Vanilla Ice construct wagons with them? Because that’s what the show is about: Vanilla Ice learning construction from Amish people in Ohio. Perfect! I love watching neurotic, washed-up celebrities anachronistically build shit.
Who is watching this show? NO, SERIOUSLY. I want to know. At this point, just from a sociological perspective, I want to find out how Vanilla Ice keeps getting put on television. And if I find out that it’s you, you best believe that I’ll be coming for you.
The Roman Catholic Diocese of Brooklyn
Because they need to stop putting up these ads:
Really guys? We’re going there? We’re going to use the holiest figure in Catholicism to pander to Brooklyn hipsters? ARE WE REALLY DOING THAT? Can we please stop speculating on what Jesus would be like if he were alive today? 1) It seems a smidgen disrespectful and 2) WHO CARES? Does that change the Bible? Does make Jesus a hipster add the eighth sacrament of growing a handlebar mustache to Catholicism?
Also, from a marketing perspective, this is dumb. Do ads for churches really work? How easily swayed do you think people are? If they weren’t going to Mass before, they ain’t going now just because you slapped some dirty Converses on their Lord and Savior.