#ICYMI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

 

Michael Jordan got married

So, it’s not a name we see in the tabloids a lot…but definitely worth mentioning because SPACE JAM WAS THE SHIT. Oh, and Michael Jordan was a really great athlete and blah blah blah. His second wedding had a casual 2,000 guests because he’s Michael Jordan and he doesn’t do small scale shit. Whatever.

Harry Styles, 19, is dating a 33 year old woman

Kimberly Stewart, to be exact. Yes, the daughter of Rod Stewart. Also, the sister of Sean Stewart- the youngin’ dating a recently divorced/cougared Adrienne Maloof. The Stewart family is really into the whole “age is just a number” thing, huh? The age difference might be cray but you can only go up from Taylor Swift, so more power to Harry with this one.

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner Happened

There is literally not a single other event in the world that I wish I could attend more. What is better than a bunch of awesome celebrities (minus Katy Perry on that awesome comment) hanging out with THE OBAMAS? I checked, and I doesn’t get much better than that.

Cory Monteith is out of rehab

I mean…if Amanda Bynes is the poor man’s version of Lindsay Lohan, I don’t even know what this is. Cory’s trip to rehab was so sudden and shocking, yet extremely underreported or talked about because nobody cares about Glee. It’s like they have their own celebrity sub-ecosystem in Hollywood or something. Anyways, he’s out and tweeting about how much he appreciated “the support” and whatnot.

 

#tmz

This is happening to me later in life than it happens to most other people, but I am slowly beginning to realize that I have a love/hate relationship with TMZ (and all other tabloid-y forms of media out there). I obviously have an interest in popular culture and knowing what important celebs like Tara Reid is doing at all times, but even I can admit they go too far on one too many occasions. Not necessarily re: the privacy thing, because most of the celebrities that make it on there luuuuurrrrvvvvveeee every minute of it, but more so situations like when Kimye is house hunting, and they post a headline like this:

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Sure, I love a good celeb-related headline just as much as the next person. But the problem with this one is that homelessness is actually a serious problem in this country and in the entire world so maybe they could have just thought of another way to let people know that Kim and Kanye are having a hard time deciding which mansion to live in? I suppose that the fact that the headline was so attention grabbing that I felt compelled to write several paragraphs about it means it has done its job. But it’s still ridiculous and they could have said literally anything else about them not having a place to live and I would be significantly less offended.

I know we are not talking about a reputable new source here. TMZ certainly isn’t a website that should be anybody’s main source of information about what is happening in the world. But at the end of the day, CNN told the story of Justin Bieber and his visit to the Anne Frank house as if it constituted breaking news. They just didn’t do it the same way…

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Believe me, I know there are much bigger issues with TMZ’s existence than their inflammatory headlines. But I thought they could use a friendly reminder about what homelessness means and that it is an actual problem people face. That is all.

-S

#ICYMI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

Reese Witherspoon was arrested for disorderly conduct

Don’t worry, I thought the headline was fake, too. This is not what I like to see when I search for pop culture news. My heart is broken. America’s heart is broken. Reese and her husband, Jim Toth, were both arrested on Friday morning because Jim was driving drunk and Reese was having none of this “cops doing their job” business. I’d like to believe she was just trying to be sassy, but no…she was just being stuck up and pulled the “do you know who I am?!” line. I wonder if Elle Woods will represent them in court?

Selena and Justin are becoming that on-again, off-again couple

It’s been a while since we’ve seen these two together, but Selena went out to Norway to see Justin’s show this weekend…so they may be back together. Which, even though this has no direct effect on my life, I would be very happy to see. Boy neeeeeds some stability in his life. JB posted a photo of the two of them on Instagram but quickly deleted it because he is a teenager and everything.

LeAnn Rimes gets caught buying Twitter followers

The singer/songwriter/homewrecker (a.k.a the original triple threat) made a sudden jump of about 50,000 followers in a 24 hour period, so people picked up on her not so slick attempt at being popular. Go home, LeAnn. #teambrandi

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have reached a divorce settlement

Thank the reality-star gods that be. It’s too much to keep track of this and her pregnancy. Unfortunately for Kris, he will not be getting a dime for being married to Kimbo and for having his name forever associated with hers. Short. End. Of. The. Stick.

-S

 

#ICYMI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

 The Kids’ Choice Awards happened

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I don’t really know who is scheduling this shit but everyone knows that awards season ends with the Oscars so really these kids and their choices are as irrelevant as I always knew they were. On another note, it seems that Kristen Stewart can smile, but only if she is covered in green slime.

Tilda Swinton has taken to sleeping in a glass box at the MoMa

Apparently this is not the first time the frightening ice queen that is T.Swinton (almost typed T.Swift out of pure reflex- gotta take a break from talking about Taylor, I guess) has put on this type of art installation. Her piece, titled “The Maybe,” does not have a set schedule or a description or anything. Its popularity is just as confusing and unnecessary as its subject.

Ohio wants Punxsutawney Phil dead

I completely agree that winter has been waaay too long this year, but that is no reason to want this poor little animal to die. A man in Ohio believes that Phil deserves the death penalty, as he is “purposely lying to us about spring coming early.” The man stated that “when he betrays us like this, something has to be done.” Yes, sir, you’re right. Something has to be done. YOU need to be taken care of.

Crystal Harris Hefner is still trying to be a DJ

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The 26-year-old spent Saturday night “spinning” at the annual Playboy Masquerade partay. She got this gig purely based on her skills and not at all because she is married to Hugh Hefner.

-S

#bretmichaels

I am quite skeptical of any competitive reality TV show that has the word “Celebrity” at the beginning of its title. You should be too. Obviously they do not feature actual celebrities, which is what I call a waste of time– give me real celebrities or give me death. This is why I have a hard time imagining why a show like Celebrity Apprentice even exists.1 And not only does it exist, it has had enough seasons that they now have an All-Star version of the show. Because obviously anybody who is enough of a fame whore to agree to be on Donald Trump’s show once will do it again.

The most severe case of this is Bret Michaels, who was just “fired” by Trump on his show, after winning the show the previous time he appeared on it. Not only was he the first to go, he allegedly had a complete meltdown on his way out.

This man:

 

was in tears over being fired and told off by one of the only men in America with a more ridiculous appearance than his own. Apparently he was truly inconsolable over being axed from the show, because he believed he was going to win a second time. Donald said to him that “Deep down psychologically it is awfully hard for me to pick you again as a winner. That is why it was incredulous to me that you came back.” I don’t know much about Bret Michaels, nor do I care to, but for the record…if someone looking like this

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told me I didn’t have to work for them anymore, the only tears coming out of my eyes would be purely due to elation and being generally overjoyed.

Why are people- both television producers and faux celebs- giving Donald Trump more airtime than he already gets every time he is interviewed for something?

-S

#taylorswift

It seems that Taylor Swift has taken the advice of every person in the world and has stopped flaunting her boy troubles oh so publicly (at least since the Grammys, right?). Maybe she’s been OK just doing the single thing for a bit– I could totally imagine her saying “I’m just working on me right now.” However, even though she hasn’t released any scathing singles in the last couple of weeks, someone very, very silly made up a rumor that T. Swift and Ed Sheeran were a thang.

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Even though I have absolutely no personal knowledge of this situation, I think that even if neither of them ever acknowledged this rumor, any person who doesn’t live under a rock (i.e. reads #sasstag on a daily basis) could reason it out on our own that it is not true. Just…no. And I’m not even saying that based on what the two look like together. Quickly skimming through Ed Sheeran’s Wikipedia page makes it clear as day that these two will never date.

1. He is 22 years old. That is four years older than her type. Girlfriend can’t be bringing up her average like that, especially with John and Jake being so very old.

2. He is about six million Twitter followers short of Harry Styles…and about 19 million short of TayTay herself. He hasn’t been in any Twilight movies. There are no Ed Sheeran pop-up shops in Times Square. Simply put, he is just not famous enough.

3. He is a singer/songwriter, which is (probably) terrifying to Taylor. If she ever actually dated him, she would obviously write a song about him once they broke up, and he would probably retaliate (and blow her song out of the water). I can’t even name a single song this man sings but I’m going to run with this scenario in my head. I know what you’re thinking- “Harry Styles is a musician too!” No, no…he is not. He is in One Direction.

Not that anybody really needed him to, but Ed has publicly denied the rumor.

-S