Guys, what the hell is going on with Sofia Vergara’s face on the cover of the April 2012 InStyle? I actually had to do a double take to realize that it was really her.

I do not like this

Seriously, what did they do to her? I hate to say this because I love Sofia, but she’s looking a little Danielle Staub-esque, no? And why is she so damn pale? Who looked at this and said: “Yes, we have definitely made Sofia look her absolute best.” That little headline: “We <3 Sofia” is a big fucking lie. Nothing resembling love was involved in this process.

This is what Sofia Vergara actually looks like:

Sofia is GORGEOUS. InStyle, why you gotta do a girl like that?



This morning, I woke up to this gem in my inbox:

People, we have talked about this. Look, I am all for coupons and a good deal. But trust me when I say that there are just some things you should shell out the full price for. This is one of those things. Why the hell would you want a discount version of something being INJECTED INTO YOUR FACE? You know how at restaurants the “special” of the day usually involves some ingredient they’re trying to get rid of? (If you didn’t, now you do.) This Living Social deal reminded me of that. Do they have a bunch of soon to be expired Botox they’re trying to get rid of? Does Dr. Tal Dagan need a bit more practice with the needle? Whatever it is, why would you want to find out… ON YOUR FACE?




Are you too OCD to wait for your nails to fully dry? (This is technically 90-120 minutes, but lets use the 30 minutes they usually make us wait at the salon). Are you too fidgety to paint your own nails with real nail polish?

Enter Sally Hansen Salon Effects, the best thing since sliced bread shellac. Sally’s team of oompa loompas have literally thought of everything in order to guarantee that no mani is ever at risk. I feel 100% comfortable vouching for this product, which conveniently comes in so many fun colors and patterns.

Obviously, the success of this genius product led to it being copied by other beauty product companies. Sucks for Sally, but…more nail stickers could never be a bad thing. Whatever. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right?

But then, as with all good things, somebody took it too far. Nails werent enough for them! Let this be a lesson to any greedy person out there. Being greedy is ugly and will lead nowhere, except to awful ideas like this:

A company called Violent Lips has created a lip version of these stickers. As you can imagine, the name given to this product of theirs says it all. It is indeed violent. It is literally attacking my eyes as I look at it. These are just a few examples of the artwork you can adorn your lips with. Lace patterns, glitter, animal prints, and rainbows- Violent Lips has you covered. FYI, one pack of this “beauty product” will set you back somewhere between $9.99-$14.95.

I dont even know where to begin. I cannot imagine a single scenario that involves being outside of your house, seeing other living beings, and wearing a lip sticker all at once. 

Crazy manicures were all the rave in 2011 and will clearly continue to be at the top of beauty priorities this year, justifying the need for additional nail sticker patterns. Believe it or not, I was an economics major in college. I see this as simple supply and demand so it makes perfect sense (FYI: this is the first time I have applied anything I learned in the past four years to my post-grad life. This is what a $200,000 education gets you). However, I am having trouble determining the need for lip stickers, and shudder to think where the demand for this product is coming from.

As I tried to decipher where this “trend” originated, the only celeb/trend setter I could think of is Lady Gaga.

As much as I admire her talent, hard work, dedication to her fans, and ability to express herself artistically, her fashion is HER fashion. There is a reason Gaga was one of the most popular Halloween costumes for the past few years- it is only appropriate to imitate her style when you are dressing up as anything but your regular self. Exclusively on October 31st.

The very informative Violent Lips blog features pictures of many a Kardashian, Kelly Rowland,  Snooki, and a handful of other b-listers sporting Violent Lips (btw…these shots are mostly in some sort of dressing room/indoor situation with nobody else to be seen). I am too scared to think of how much money these celebs (I use the term loosely with the exception of Ms. Rowland) got paid to put these on and pucker up.

One brave star, Keyshia Cole, sent out a twitpic of this on her lips…I’m sure she received many worried responses from her Twitter followers and MDs alike, because at first glance it looks like she has contracted a severe form of herpes.

Please remember that if and when you apply this product to your lips, you are not the one stuck looking at it for the eight hours it is guaranteed to stay on. The rest of society is. Dont be cruel.

All in all, I really hope this company goes out of business soon. And that nobody I know has ever tried to use one of these.