#dominoslive

The marketing team at Dominos deserves some sort of vacation or detoxing getaway because they’re really pushing it with their latest ploy: Dominos Live.

dominos live

(via)

You will soon be able to watch a live stream of the pizza making process at a Dominos location in Salt Lake City, Utah. “Why would I want to watch that? Why Salt Lake City, Utah?” you ask. Well I got nothing for ya because none of that makes any sense to me either.

dominos live

Take your pick of five cameras and watch, from start to finish, as we make delicious oven-baked food. And because this is a real store, we’ll be busiest between 7:30pm ET/4:30pm PT and 12:30am ET/9:30pm PT

I mean, just why? I sort of understand the appeal of watching your personal pizza be made, if there is literally nothing else going on in your life, on television or the internet. But even then, if I wanted to be that involved in the process, I’d just make the damn pizza myself.

I will admit that the online Dominos tracker they have now can be pretty entertaining. I used to answer the door already knowing the delivery person’s name and would ask them how the person who made the pizza–Bob/Joe/Whoever, was doing. After a few times though, the weirdo, stalkerish novelty of it all wore off quickly.

I really hope that Dominos Live is not the future.  Note to other restaurants: Uh uh. Resist please. I understand that the idea behind this is that we’ll get to see that Dominos pizza is, in fact, handmade with fresh ingredients blah blah blah, but honestly, when I’m ordering pizza from Dominos, freshness is just not my main concern. Let’s be real, if we cared how Dominos pizza was made, we probably would’t be eating it. Ignorance is delicious, delicious bliss.

-K

#ICMYI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

 

Keira Knightley got married

Aaaand she looked perfect (in her custom designed Chanel dress), as one might imagine she would. I don’t know much about her new hubby, James Righton, but I do know he looks like he is a 19 years old hipster so that’s definitely throwing me off a little bit.

Chris Brown and Rihanna have split

Not only has Breezy confirmed that he is no longer dating Rihanna, he was seen partying it up for his birthday this weekend with his ex-girlfriend, Karrueche Tran.

THANK THE LORD.

Miley Cyrus was voted #1 on Maxim’s Hot 100 list

She accidentally revealed the big news to her entire social media following before the magazine got to break the news, but hey…she’s just being Miley. I think a congrats is in order, but really I’m just confused about this. I’m not saying she’s not a pretty person, but this was truly unexpected.

The Kentucky Derby happened

All this really involved in my mind was very random “celebrities” that got dressed up in weird hats and posted photos of mint juleps. I’m looking at you, Lauren Conrad.

-S

#thisvsthat

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#trendingtopics

Each week we take a look at some of Twitter’s most entertaining trending topics and provide some deep and meaningful insight. Or we just bitch about it.

April 27th-May 3rd

  • Ray J

When: 4/29

Why: Ray J releases the video for his single,I Hit It First”

Shir: GOOD FOR RAY J. This whole thing may be considered “of poor taste,” but I don’t care. He deserves to be remembered for making her famous and hitting it first. Sort of…the song obviously doesn’t really mention Kim’s first marriage from when she was practically a teenager. Guess all you casual haters didn’t even know that was a thing? You’re welcome. 

Kara: You know, I just don’t know about this one, guys. On one hand, Kim Kardashian is horrible and brings pretty much all of her embarrassment upon herself. On the other, this janky-ass, low grade video is not doing it for me. ALSO, we know that neither you nor Kim were at private jet status when you were together. Don’t lie to us.

  • Jason Collins

When: 4/29

Why: Jason Collins becomes the first active NBA player to come out

Shir: Whenever someone tells me something I really like via text message, I always reply with a bunch of thumbs up emojis. I have resorted to referencing this in the past on trending topics because sometimes words can’t convey what emojis can…and my reaction to this truly can only be summed up by hundreds of thumbs up emojis. So just envision them here.

Kara: Good move homie! And to all the people saying that it doesn’t really matter that he came out because he’s not “that good” of a basketball player: Shut up. You are stupid and understand nothing.

  • Mother’s Day

When: 5/2

Why: Your mom’s favorite holiday

Shir: Start ordering your overpriced flowers NOW! But seriously, do it. Your mom deserves it. Side note: my mom is the coolest person on the planet.

Kara: My main thought here is why the hell is this trending so early? Mother’s Day is over a week away. I’m glad that the Mamas are getting some recogniation a bit early, but settle down, Twitter.

  • Kentucky Derby

When: 5/3

Why: The 139th Kentucky Derby approaches

Shir: I will never say anything negative about something that involved day drinking…but something that involves Kentucky? I’ll say many negative things about that. I don’t care for this state or any events it hosts to try to make itself seem classier than it is. Goodbye.

Kara: Ughhh again with the horses. Traveling to Kentucky to watch a bunch of horses run is about the last damn thing I’d want to do. Enjoy your juleps and tacky hats. I’ll be getting a jump start on a far superior day: Cindo de Mayo.

  • The Great Gatsby

When:5/3

Why: Baz Luhrmann version of The Great Gatsby premieres 

Shir: I have more than my fair share of mixed emotions about this. But if Leo really is “retiring from acting” for a bit, I will obviously have to go see this so it can tide me over until his next big thing.

Kara: I am so so so against this. The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books of all time, so I know it very well. This book does not translate onto film. People have tried before and it was a hot ass mess! Why Baz-All my films look like a mix between ADD and an acid trip-Luhrmann thinks he can do any better, I do not know. It’s bittersweet since Hov was so involved in the soundtrack, but sometimes even I can have a bit of perspective when it comes to my love of the Carters.

#newyorkers

It sounds crazy, but New York City is filled with some pretty cool people other than us. That is why we started our New Yorker of the Week series where we convince some really awesome New Yorkers to answer a bunch of our silly questions.

Meet writer and editor Jessica Grose. She’s written for all your favorite outlets and definitely knows how to get sassy for us!

Jessica Grose

Name: Jessica Grose

OccupationJournalist, author of the novel Sad Desk Salad

Neighborhood: Prospect Heights

Favorite Twitter account@emilynussbaum for smart takes on TV shows and general charm;@BoobsRadley and @TonightOnGIRLS for the lulz

Favorite place in NYCGovernor’s Island on a sunny summer Sunday.

Biggest NYC pet peeve: The fact that I just read a New York Times article that described an $8 million price tag for a Brooklyn apartment as “appropriate.”

Where would you live if you didn’t live in NYC?: Bozeman, Montana. A gorgeous little college town set up against the mountains. I’d take up skeet shooting, fly fishing or similar.

Drink of choice: Sangria at Black Mountain Wine House. Or anything that would be uncharitably described as a fruity girl drink.

Best way to spot a tourist: Slow walking, looking cheerful on the subway.

#beyonce

Basic peoples and their basic kin are making a giant kerfuffle over the Beyonce tour rider that was kinda sorta leaked a couple days ago. I really don’t know what these fools are whining about because it looks like a list of  highly reasonable demands to me. We do all understand that Beyonce wields more influence, power and wealth than actual Queens, right?

beyonce tour rider

(via iam.beyonce.com )

  • All crew members have to wear 100% cotton.

Damn, she’s doing THEM a favor. She’s just making sure that no ones polyester wearing ass lights on fire under those blistering stage lights. Sounds to me like she just wants to keep her crew happy and comfortable. This barely even benefits her. She’s a woman of the people y’all.

  • Alkaline water must be chilled to 21 degrees and served with $900 titanium straws.

It’s been decades since most mega-celebrities have drank anything resembling regular water. This really isn’t specific to Beyonce at all. You all also have to keep in mind that $900 to Beyonce is like $5 to the rest of us. A $900 straw is basically a pack of gum to this woman.

  • Bathrooms must have new toilet seats and red toilet paper at every venue.

It’s called sanity and hygine people!!! If I had the option of using a new toilet seat everywhere I went, you best believe I would take it. Admittedly, the red toilet paper bit is a bit odd. I’m not exactly sure how red toilet paper functions differently from regular toilet paper, but honestly I’m not too interested in finding out.

  • Hand-carved ice balls should be made after each show to cool her throat.

Umm… it’s frozen water. Deal. And of course it needs to be smooth and round. We can’t have Queen Bey choking on your second-rate, splintery ice cubes.

  • No junk food is allowed. Instead, snacks must include glass platters of almonds and oatcakes, and there’s a strict green-only policy when it comes to salad bar nibbles.

YES AND? Homegirl likes to eat healthy. It’s why she’s modeling bikinis a year after having a child. WHO WOULD HATE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY EATING?

Chill out and get your lives in order because Beyonce clearly has hers on lockdown.

-K