If you’re a fourteen year-old girl or Ryan Seacrest, the moment you’ve been waiting weeks for finally arrived last night at midnight: Justin Bieber released his new song, “Boyfriend“.
In the surprise of the century, it’s already number one on the iTunes chart.
I’ll be honest, I kinda like it. My respect for Justin increased leaps and bounds after seeing Never Say Never. Sure, his schtick can be a little annoying sometimes and overly precocious children really do need to be locked away, but the kid has real talent. I can’t hate. That being said, there are few things I need to get off my chest:
- His whispering made me really uncomfortable
I know he’s eighteen and fully legal now, but there’s still something about him trying to sound sexy that makes me wince. Clearly Usher, who had his innocence stripped from him by P Diddy, has been giving him some pointers. I knew Justin and his image would have to grow up eventually, but it still feels too soon. Just give me some time. This is going to take some getting used to.
- A Mac Miller promotion is not worth nearly as much as you think it is
Justin retweeted this shout out from Mac Miller
Mac Miller is annoying and does not make good music. This ain’t helping your case Justin.
- Justin is two-timing all of us
Justin has some smart people on his team. Although I question the ethics of it all, it was pretty brilliant to release a song that totally exploits the delusions of millions of young girls and simultaneously proclaims his love for his actual girlfriend, Selena Gomez. However, some clever Bieblers seemed to have caught on to this ruse:
But, like I said before, Usher must have explained the art of juggling multiple women:
Well played, Bieber.
- Questionable lyrics…
Ok, let’s not pretend that Justin is known for his lyrical depth. But there were a few lines in this song that were a bit much, even for him:
Chillin by the fire while we eatin’ fondue
I dunno about me but I know about you
I mean, wow. That’s quite the slick move isn’t it? Someone please find me just one eighteen year-old boy who has ever made fireside fondue for his girlfriend. His name can’t be Justin Bieber.
Voice goin crazy on this hook like a whirlwind
Please do not let “swaggie” become a thing. It’s bad enough that we have to deal with “swagoo”. (Sorry B!)
I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe
This is clearly trying to be a sexy song. In no context is Buzz Lightyear sexy. It also reminds us of his age, which is really not what Justin needs right now.
All in all, I’m glad the song ended up being pretty good, because, more likely than not, we are all going to be inundated with “Boyfriend” for the next six to eight months. Get ready.