March 18th- March 23rd
- Teens Are Sending 60 Texts a Day
Why: A study found that teenagers, on average, send 60 text messages a day; up from 50 in 2009.
Shir: Why is this breaking news? Why is it trending? I think this is an average day for most people I know. I, on the other hand, am the laziest texter ever, and am not shocked by this discovery- just extremely fascinated. I wish I had that type of dedication, but my fat fingers are constantly getting in the way.
Kara: In ten years, human beings are going to forget how to speak.
- Malia Obama
Why: Reports surface that Malia Obama, who was in the country on a school trip, was safe after an earthquake in Mexico.
Shir: I literally don’t know anything about this earthquake other than the fact that it happened, Malia was there, and that she’s ok. I hope everyone else is ok too?
Kara: I don’t understand why we weren’t all infinitely more concerned about this. Malia was possibly in danger! I would have happily sent my tax dollars below the border to rescue her. Disclaimer: I love the Obamas more than I love the Carters, which is saying a lot.
- Kim Zolciak
Why: The blonde one from the Real Housewives of Atlanta announces that she’s preggers again.
Shir: I’m sure Kim is a perfectly nice person, but as Giuliana Rancic said in a moment of weakness on Fashion Police after Snooki announced her pregnancy: “something is wrong in the universe when she can get pregnant and I can’t.” So yeah, universe. Maybe this would have been a good situation to spread the wealth. G deserves this one.
Kara: GOOD LORD this bitch JUST had a baby. Yowza she pops them out fast! Kim, you are an anomaly in a wig.
- S Club 7
Why: You favorite multiethnic, mixed gender, British pop group announces plans for a reunion tour.
Shir: Really? Because your career was sooo successful the first time around? I’m just hating because I never really got on the S Club 7 bandwagon. But really this seems unnecessary. This isn’t like the Spice Girls or The Rolling Stones. Nobody is asking for a reunion tour
Kara: Haterz gon’ hate. (See above) I. Loved. S Club 7. I remember waking up early to watch their show on Fox Family and it was stupendous. If this tour comes to the US I am THERE because there ain’t no party like an S Club party.
- The Hunger Games
Why: The Hunger Games movie is finally released.
Shir: I don’t think I need to express my levels of anticipation/anxiety/adoration/addiction to The Hunger Games to you all. But just to make it clear. The only reason I wasn’t at a midnight showing last night is because I was on a plane. I literally just landed in NYC and am on my way to a movie theater. Side note: I have never gone to the movies by myself. This is already the most overwhelming cinematic experience of my life, and I haven’t even picked up my tickets yet.
Kara: Because I’m cooler than you, I already saw the movie at an early screening on Tuesday. However, had I been an actual fan of the books, it probably would have been much more exciting. I liked it, but I have one major complaint: Liam Hemsworth did not get NEARLY enough screentime. Had I known this, I might have rethought my decision to see the movie. You are a lucky girl Miley. You are a lucky, lucky girl.