Last night was the premiere of Ryan Lochte’s new reality show, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?”
Did you watch? I did not watch because A) I already had a pretty idea of what I was in for B) Mad Men was on C) I don’t want to encourage or support E! and their abominable programming D) I wasn’t on drugs E) I still have some value for my time F) … you get the picture HOWEVER, while I may not have watched, there are plenty of people who did! “Who were these people subjecting themselves to this xx programming?” you ask. Well I’ve gone ahead and categorized them all nicely for you–with help from Twitter.
The Types of People Who Watched “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?”
People who set their hopes way too high:https://twitter.com/NATTIJ/status/326359163301142528 https://twitter.com/RJM617/status/326322671526744064 https://twitter.com/SwimmerLaura/status/326318414752800769 https://twitter.com/sarahthegod/status/326359594727247872
People who need helphttps://twitter.com/emiiilysanchez/status/326306342472151040
I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that this is a typo…but that is me being very, very generous.https://twitter.com/peterp4n_/status/326329196467068928 https://twitter.com/chendricks1/status/326326884122128384 https://twitter.com/TaylorBGang/status/326324966717009920
“Awww but he’s so pretty” peoplehttps://twitter.com/veeenusk/status/326327214171901952 https://twitter.com/MarAintShit/status/326326413026287616 https://twitter.com/brandi_withan_i/status/326326112730873857 https://twitter.com/JennaferN/status/326359492990205952 https://twitter.com/IrishAngelTraci/status/326302554545860608
People who think he is a douchebaghttps://twitter.com/LaurenWoycke/status/326332421479997440 https://twitter.com/CliftonJacob/status/326331924656312320 https://twitter.com/tracykearn/status/326329862124097536 https://twitter.com/ewriight/status/326342622635503616 https://twitter.com/nava_anthony/status/326200123333959681
People who need better liveshttps://twitter.com/DanielleClark97/status/326206681165987840 https://twitter.com/SusanHeuscher/status/326206258984128515
GET YO LIFE BITCHES
People I’m side-eyinghttps://twitter.com/DopeKultRj/status/326319822021459971 https://twitter.com/CraZy_KAY14/status/326359138907062275 https://twitter.com/Misslacielynne/status/326220594561548288 https://twitter.com/ohDANGitsALVINA/status/326204404946579458
DO NOT DO THIS ALVINAhttps://twitter.com/MeredithRayburn/status/326201449098911745
I’m going to go pull my eyebrows out now. Good day.