#ICMYI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

 

Keira Knightley got married

Aaaand she looked perfect (in her custom designed Chanel dress), as one might imagine she would. I don’t know much about her new hubby, James Righton, but I do know he looks like he is a 19 years old hipster so that’s definitely throwing me off a little bit.

Chris Brown and Rihanna have split

Not only has Breezy confirmed that he is no longer dating Rihanna, he was seen partying it up for his birthday this weekend with his ex-girlfriend, Karrueche Tran.

THANK THE LORD.

Miley Cyrus was voted #1 on Maxim’s Hot 100 list

She accidentally revealed the big news to her entire social media following before the magazine got to break the news, but hey…she’s just being Miley. I think a congrats is in order, but really I’m just confused about this. I’m not saying she’s not a pretty person, but this was truly unexpected.

The Kentucky Derby happened

All this really involved in my mind was very random “celebrities” that got dressed up in weird hats and posted photos of mint juleps. I’m looking at you, Lauren Conrad.

-S

#ICYMI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

 

Michael Jordan got married

So, it’s not a name we see in the tabloids a lot…but definitely worth mentioning because SPACE JAM WAS THE SHIT. Oh, and Michael Jordan was a really great athlete and blah blah blah. His second wedding had a casual 2,000 guests because he’s Michael Jordan and he doesn’t do small scale shit. Whatever.

Harry Styles, 19, is dating a 33 year old woman

Kimberly Stewart, to be exact. Yes, the daughter of Rod Stewart. Also, the sister of Sean Stewart- the youngin’ dating a recently divorced/cougared Adrienne Maloof. The Stewart family is really into the whole “age is just a number” thing, huh? The age difference might be cray but you can only go up from Taylor Swift, so more power to Harry with this one.

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner Happened

There is literally not a single other event in the world that I wish I could attend more. What is better than a bunch of awesome celebrities (minus Katy Perry on that awesome comment) hanging out with THE OBAMAS? I checked, and I doesn’t get much better than that.

Cory Monteith is out of rehab

I mean…if Amanda Bynes is the poor man’s version of Lindsay Lohan, I don’t even know what this is. Cory’s trip to rehab was so sudden and shocking, yet extremely underreported or talked about because nobody cares about Glee. It’s like they have their own celebrity sub-ecosystem in Hollywood or something. Anyways, he’s out and tweeting about how much he appreciated “the support” and whatnot.

 

#stop

People Who Need To Just Stop:

Today calls for a group edition of People Who Need To Just Stop because I can’t decide who needs to take a bigger seat. So, here are three people who need to get their lives in check.

The Situation

the_situation

(via)

Haven’t seen this one in awhile, huh? The Situation is finally getting around to filming his reality show because the entire nation has been tightly wringing our weather-inappropriate beanies in anticipation. Need it really be stated how wildly unnecessary this is? Situation, you’re done, homie. We think you’re creepy and find your abs to be very oddly shaped for a human being. The Jersey Shore has come to an and and while we appreciate your service to the cause of being completely ridiculous and humiliating Italian Americans, we’re ready to call it a day. We already have “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” Hasn’t our common sense and brain function taken enough of a hit?

Vanilla Ice

VANILLA-ICE-AMISH

(via DIY Network/AP)

In more unnecessary television programming, Vanilla Ice also has a reality show in the works called: Vanilla Ice Goes Amish. OIAJSDFK JASKLDFJ AKLSDF ASDFASKDFJ AKSLDFJAKLSJFASK KILL ME NOW I’M DEAD DEAD ALKSDFJ ALSKFJDASKLF

LEAVE AMISH PEOPLE ALONE! First we were enamored with child beauty queens, then Guidos and Boston townies and now the Amish obsession is in full swing. Let’s be honest, are the Amish really that interesting? Like, interesting enough that we should watch Vanilla Ice construct wagons with them? Because that’s what the show is about: Vanilla Ice learning construction from Amish people in Ohio. Perfect! I love watching neurotic, washed-up celebrities anachronistically build shit.

Who is watching this show? NO, SERIOUSLY. I want to know. At this point, just from a sociological perspective, I want to find out how Vanilla Ice keeps getting put on television. And if I find out that it’s you, you best believe that I’ll be coming for you.

 

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Brooklyn

Because they need to stop putting up these ads:

r-JESUS-WAS-A-HIPSTER-large570

What.

The.

Hell.

Really guys? We’re going there? We’re going to use the holiest figure in Catholicism to pander to Brooklyn hipsters? ARE WE REALLY DOING THAT? Can we please stop speculating on what Jesus would be like if he were alive today? 1) It seems a smidgen disrespectful and 2) WHO CARES? Does that change the Bible? Does make Jesus a hipster add the eighth sacrament of growing a handlebar mustache to Catholicism?

Also, from a marketing perspective, this is dumb. Do ads for churches really work? How easily swayed do you think people are? If they weren’t going to Mass before, they ain’t going now just because you slapped some dirty Converses on their Lord and Savior.

-K

#ICYMI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

Reese Witherspoon was arrested for disorderly conduct

Don’t worry, I thought the headline was fake, too. This is not what I like to see when I search for pop culture news. My heart is broken. America’s heart is broken. Reese and her husband, Jim Toth, were both arrested on Friday morning because Jim was driving drunk and Reese was having none of this “cops doing their job” business. I’d like to believe she was just trying to be sassy, but no…she was just being stuck up and pulled the “do you know who I am?!” line. I wonder if Elle Woods will represent them in court?

Selena and Justin are becoming that on-again, off-again couple

It’s been a while since we’ve seen these two together, but Selena went out to Norway to see Justin’s show this weekend…so they may be back together. Which, even though this has no direct effect on my life, I would be very happy to see. Boy neeeeeds some stability in his life. JB posted a photo of the two of them on Instagram but quickly deleted it because he is a teenager and everything.

LeAnn Rimes gets caught buying Twitter followers

The singer/songwriter/homewrecker (a.k.a the original triple threat) made a sudden jump of about 50,000 followers in a 24 hour period, so people picked up on her not so slick attempt at being popular. Go home, LeAnn. #teambrandi

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have reached a divorce settlement

Thank the reality-star gods that be. It’s too much to keep track of this and her pregnancy. Unfortunately for Kris, he will not be getting a dime for being married to Kimbo and for having his name forever associated with hers. Short. End. Of. The. Stick.

-S

 

#ICYMI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

Lindsay Lohan made time for Coachella pre-rehab

Lilo attended the music festival this past weekend with her little bro because that’s exactly what she needs before she heads off to rehab for 90 days- a short vacation in a drug and alcohol fueled environment!

Justin Bieber makes questionable Anne Frank comment

The Biebs is being slammed for writing that he hopes Anne “would have been a Belieber” in the guest book at the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam. People are freaking out about this, but can we just acknowledge that the kid had no bad intentions? At least he took time out of his schedule while visiting Amsterdam to go learn about Anne and her history when there are many other things he could have been doing.

Kevin Hart was arrested for drunk driving

The bad news: Kevin Hart has (clearly) been in a downward spiral ever since he begged to be part of Kimye. The good news: nobody got hurt. Also of note: Hart admitted to the cops that he was drunk the second he was pulled over.

The MTV Movie Awards happened last night

Rebel Wilson hosted the event, Aubrey Plaza crashed Will Ferrell’s acceptance speech and was apparently asked to leave the show, and somehow, Ke$ha managed to look scarier than Snooki.Pretty standard for an MTV event, I suppose.

-S

#ICYMI

If you are a #sasstag reader, I assume you lead a really cool life. Which means that on the weekends, you are out of the house, doing fun and cultured things with your awesome friends. You don’t have time to stay updated on the happenings of Hollywood and/or the world between 5 PM on Friday and 9 AM on Monday. The easiest fix? Reading our weekly In Case You Missed It post- the most important pop culture news roundup out there. Everything you need to have an opinion on before heading to the water cooler, every Monday morning. Enjoy!

Kim Kardashian revealed “Kimye: The Fetus”

Because why the hell not? I have a feeling we are going to get wind of one of those overly-revealing pregnancy photoshoots of Kim’s baby bump pretty soon because a) she’s not going to want to be a hypocrite and sell photos of her baby when it’s born (at least not right away), and b) she’s not going to want to wait until she’s too much further along because she kind of sort of already looks like she’s going to burst.

Perez Hilton and Amanda Bynes have some weird Twitter “fight” going on now?

amanda bynes

Basically, he started doing shit like this with all of her tweets, but apparently they used to be friends??? I’m literally so confused about this situation. Notice the time stamps.

amanda bynesperez hilton

amanda bynesperez hilton

Obviously there were a bunch of other #sasstag worthy Amanda Bynes tweets but they are all too much for a non-Amanda-Bynes-themed #ICYMI. As per usual, I highly suggest you folllow and/or keep up with her.

Halle Berry is preggo!

olivier martinez

Nahla and Olivier, for proof of ultimate cuteness. (via)

I can pretty much guarantee her new baby is going to be the cutest thing this side of Suri Cruise. I mean…take a look at her daughter, Nahla. Halle’s kids obviously deserve to have it going on. And I know her children may not share a biological father, but have you seen Olivier Martinez? No need to worry.

The American Country Music Awards happened last night

I’ve said this before and I will say it again- anything that happens after the Oscars is irrelevant when it comes to awards. And also anything related to country music is irrelevant. I’m not sure why I’m even including this in In Case You Missed It, because you most definitely missed it.

-S