#lilwayne

May 9, 2013 by Leave a Comment

You know that thing you do with your lips where you stick them out and exhale so they flap quickly–usually while rolling your eyes? That is what I am doing right now becase Lil Wayne recently shared some deets about his next album and no, it doesn’t look like things will be getting any better.

Lil Wayne Launches "TRUKFIT" at Macy's

(via)

This time, Weezy will be releasing an album of love songs because when I think of Lil Wayne, I naturally think of a mature, respectful approach to love and relationships.

Listen, I’m all for artists trying new things but Lil Wayne is already on some thin ice after the auditory trainwreck that was I Am Not A Human Being II. So excuse me if I’m not putting the fullest of trust in his creative compass.

The album will be called Devol, which is “loved” spelled backwards.

…………………………

Excuse me while I pick by eyeballs up off the floor because they just rolled clean out of my face. That is literally the least creative thing I have ever heard. IS HE EVEN TRYING? Is Weezy just trolling us because Jesus hell that is terrible.

He goes on to explain:

“It’s my version of love songs. And what I mean by my version of love songs is they’re not saying I love you,”

Hmmm ok. Now, of course there are a lot of ways to say I love you without actually using the words, but is anyone else find this to be an eerily cryptic, slightly worrisome and fairly illogical explanation? No? Just me?

Let’s be real, Drake is pretty much the only rapper who can get away with this shit right now. Not just because of his wispy, sensitive nature, but because he seriously buys into it. He lives it. Unless Weezy’s album of love songs are to his skateboard and weed, I’m not buying it. Hey, that’s actually an ok idea. Lil Tunechi, call me for a collabo.

-K

Filed Under: Music Tagged With: ,

#llcoolj

April 30, 2013 by Leave a Comment

People Who Need To Just Stop: LL Cool J and Brad Paisley

 

LL Cool J and Brad Paisley

(via)

I’m going to make this quick and dirty. Yesterday Brad Paisley dropped a shit-crusted atomic bomb on the world and walked away like it was nothing:

Nope. Uhh uhh. Hell no. HELLZ TO THE INFINITY NO. This is not happening. Nobody needs this nobody wants this nobody asked for this. We are not doing this again. I don’t care if it pleases the court or not, I OBJECT I OBJECT I OBJECT.

There is probably nothing the world needs less than another poorly thought-out LL Cool J and Brad Paisley collabo. Wasn’t desecrating years of work towards racial unity and understanding enough? Wasn’t forcing hip hop blogs to write about a man named after a pattern that should only be reserved for neckties and pocket squares enough? WHEN WILL IT BE ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE?

You already shit all over the historical significance of slavery. What’s next? Wanna go after Martin Luther King? Malcolm X? Think Rosa Parks needs a bit more disrepsectin’ or that George Washington Carver and his beautiful peanuts need to be undermined a bit more?

I’m largely directing this at LL because he should really know better. I expect nothing from Brad Paisley but LL Cool J is one of the original dukes of hip hop. Never mind the fact that he damn near had a full head of hair the last time he produced any decent music. Unfortunately, we can’t erase history so hip hop is kind of stuck with LL Cool J at this point.

I recognize that this song could very likely not being about racism or race or anything else beyond the misunderstanding of these two stupid hat wearing men. But I don’t even want to give them another shot. They’ve used up their chances. It’s done. It’s over. We don’t want what you’re selling anymore.

-K

Filed Under: Music Tagged With: , , ,

#foxnews

April 17, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Jay-Z has a real problem, (and no I’m not going to make a “99 Problems” joke because I’m not a hackneyed jerk) it seems that the entire Republican party is pathologically obsessed with him.

This time, we have Fox News something or other Dana Perino “rapping” a response to Hov and Bey’s vacation to Cuba, which truly has been beaten about as much as a sensationalist, non-newsworthy story can be.

Just in case you need to process this all a bit more slowly, here are the lyrics:

Well my name is Tiny-D, and I’m here to say
I bust funky-fresh rhymes in a major way
So I’m white like Casper, got a dog named Jasper
And if you don’t think Beyonce fears me, go ahead and ask her
So if you love Castro, stick with Jay-Z
But if you love your freedom, pick Day-P

HAHAHAHA isn’t that HI-larious? Isn’t it funny when people who know nothing about hip hop mock it and indirectly chalk it up to their unfamiliarity with urban culture–because, you know, only black people and rappers live in urban areas.

I’d also like to point out that this fool starts the verse with one name (Tiny-D) and ends it with another, (Day-P) which is particularly stupid when you realize that they have the EXACT SAME RHYME SCHEME.

Dana Perino and whoever else was able to fit into her clown car that day, continued with their sarcastic, unfunny bullshit saying things like:

“Rap is such a complicated form of music”

and

“For a white girl from Colorado that was damn good.”

ALKSJALKF DJASKLF SA SADFA Christ on a full calorie cracker. I wish I could accurately communicate the look on my face right now. This is embarrassing. For all of us.

People for whom Dana Perino’s rappity rap is embarrassing:

  • First and absolutely foremost, Dana herself
  • White people
  • Women
  • White girls from Colorado
  • Conservatives
  • Music lovers
  • That microphone
  • Non-deaf people
  • Human beings who have a modicum of respect for other people
  • The graphics designer in charge of this segment

Dana Perino

  • Her blouse
  • Her dog
  • The entire Casper franchise
  • People who know how US laws work
  • Those of us who aren’t brain dead/recently had a lobotamy
  • George W. Bush

I hope you and fellow awful person Marco Rubio enjoy these little brushes with hip hop culture. It’s what keeps life exciting dontchaknow.

The only upside here is that she wasted eight to ten hours of her life writing this tripe instead of whatever other evil deeds she does for Fox News. Hey Dana, I hope you wrote another stupid ass rap for the other 400,000 Americans who visit Cuba every year.

-K

Filed Under: Music, Why is this a thing? Tagged With: , , ,

#rayj

April 8, 2013 by 4 Comments

People Who Need To Just Stop: Ray J

 

ray j I hit it first

(via Instagram/Ray J)

Lord have sweet, gracious mercy. Our nation’s soldiers do not put themselves in harm’s way everyday preserving the freedom of this great nation so that Ray J could make “I Hit It First.” THEY JUST DON’T.

By now you’ve probably heard about that Ray J, or as I like to call him: “the whole world’s jumpoff,” is scrambling back into relevancy with a new single about Kim Kardashian because OF COURSE it is.

I still find it interesting that this man still thinks we care about anything he does. The only reason we know His name at all is because of his proximity to talented women (Brandy and Whitney Houston) and Kim Kardashian. Perhaps realizing this, he was forced to drudge up the past because we for damn certain don’t care about what he does in the future.

Ray J here thought he was being ruuuurrrrl clever with the cover art for “I Hit It First”:

ray j I hit it first

(via)

Seriously? This is a complete manifestation of desperation. I would parse out what the song is about but A) You probably already know and B) I think I’d have my English degree revoked.

The richest part of all of this is that Ray J is now trying to deny that the song is even aimed at Kim Kardashian, saying: “I’m not tryna create no war, it’s all love.” Naturally lyrics like so are all about the love:

“I had her head going North and her ass going South, but now baby chose to go West,”

OAJSDLKF JASLKDFJ KLASJF K SERIOUSLY COME ON ALSKDFASLKFJ

Creating a war implies that you have some sort of power over your enemy. Kanye has made it clear that he sure as shit doesn’t care about Kim’s past, (not a good thing, just sayin) and considering the fact that Kim went ahead and distributed that sex tape her damn self, I don’t think you can start a war just by bringing it up again. Come on now, the first thing people think of when they hear her name is that sex tape. WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, RAY J.

My real issue with this song, however, is the complete fallacy of it all.

“She might move on to rappers and ball players but we all know I hit it first.”

Uh, no. It think it’s one of the safest statements of the century to say that Ray J’s declaration is flat out wrong. The only proof we really need is that Kim was married before she met Ray J–that and common sense. Besides, even if you were the first notable (using that word loosely) guy she was with, that was just before Kim was able to figure out to wrangle herself some MAJOR upgrades that to this day I still don’t understand. You are beyond inconsequential at this point.

You are really trying it, Ray J and because the world we live in is plunging deeper into the darkness with every view of a cat video on YouTube, this might actually work out for you.

Ughhh, the worst part of all? THIS SHIT IS KINDA CATCHY.

Good thing I don’t listen to the radio because if I have to hear this all the time I’m not sure that I’d be able to keep control on my mind

TAKE A SEAT, RAY J. I am not here for it.

-K

Filed Under: Music Tagged With: , ,

#98degrees

April 3, 2013 by 2 Comments

The latest update from Camp Comeback has been released and I’m obviously very excited to talk about it because what is better than reliving your tween years when you’re a twenty-something going through a quarter life crisis? In an attempt to get us 90′s girls all hot and bothered excited for their new album, 98 Degrees has put out the artwork for their new album.

98 degrees

(via)

I don’t know how you all feel about this, but I, for one, am not impressed. I am actually disappointed that the one group trying to make a comeback who has maintained some semblance of their good looks has only come up with this ‘meh’ album cover. If their touring counterparts New Kids On The Block  or Boyz II Men had come up with something like this, I would understand. However, these men have only gotten finer with age (see old school below. They obviously only had one direction their look as a band could go).

The bigger issue I have with the album artwork is that they did very little reinventing for a band that is trying to reinvent itself– isn’t that what an album titled ’2.0′ implies in the first place? All of their album covers have had the same setup. The band name/album title on the top, with the four men posing for the camera while wearing somewhat matching outfits.

 

 

 

r

98 degrees

(via)

After looking at their previous album artwork in the order it was released, it is pretty obvious they tried very hard to not make it seem like one of them was the frontman more than any other member. Nick was even pushed to the back and to the side after the first album in order for Drew Lachey and some other person we don’t know to take the lead. So their newest album artwork is especially annoying because it is both unoriginal and makes it beyond obvious that they are capitalizing on Nick’s C-list fame to get this album to work. They really need to keep in mind that most people only know him as Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband, and that is not a title to build a music career on.

If you’re going to make a comeback, don’t go for the same look that you eventually “grew out of” when you decided to disband.

-S

Filed Under: Music Tagged With: ,

#beyonce

March 18, 2013 by 1 Comment

 7 Thoughts on Beyonce’s New Song

Beyonce's new song

Warning: I stan harrrrd for Queen Bey and you really can’t tell me nothing. Beyonce Giselle Knowles released a new song on her next level Tumblr yesterday called Bow Down / I Been On. This is the first new music we’ve gotten from her in nearly two years and yes yes yessss.

 

1) This probably isn’t the first single

Some pretty reliable sources have confirmed that “Bow Down / I Been On” are actually snippets from two different songs, specifically noting the different production teams for each track:

It’s also worth mentioning that neither title was on the maybe probably real track listing for her new album that was leaked a couple weeks ago, so there’s that.

Basically, if you’re really feeling the first part but not the second, or if you think the track sounds a bit disjointed, then you’ll probably be satisfied later.


2) People who think she’s talking about her fans are stupid stupidheads

I’ve come across a few misled fools who are offended by the lyrics of the song because they think Beyonce is addressing them directly by telling them to bow down. First off, trick, please. She’s not talking to you. She’s talking about the 9823409812 other female singers who think they’re even close to her level (cough cough number 6 cough cough).

 

3) If there’s a video, it’s going to be banana boats

Will she just sit on her throne as her loyal subject bow down to her dancing heels? Will she H-Town twerk it til her hips break? Will she make people bow down to Blue Ivy also? Will she look anything like this because SWEET JESUS I HOPE SO.

Beyonce's new song

(via)

 

4) The cover art is epic

Beyonce's new song

(via Beyonce)

Werrrrqqqq lil Honey Boo Boo Beyonce.

5) I took some time to live my life/But don’t think I’m just his little wife

This line is just errrything. And you know Hov probably loves. it. because he holds her down “’03 Bonnie and Clyde” style.

6) Keri Hilson should probably be put on suicide watch

Beyonce's new song

(via)

Keri has been getting it rough lately (although it’s entirely her fault) and that was just from Beyonce’s fans. Now the actual Queen has stood up and taken a shot and I’m not sure how she can recover from this short of auditioning to be a backup singer on the Mrs. Carter Tour.

 

7) She’s really letting her edge(s) show

Beyonce's new song

(via)

We’ve known Sasha Fierce for awhile now but she was just that–fierce. This new Beyonce is hard and she’s here to snatch wigs, weaves and Louboutins. Look, relateable Beyonce is cool, but badass bitch Beyonce is untouchable.

-K

 

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