I think we all need to have a frank conversation about what exactly constitutes happy hour because quite a few food establishments have been taking that name in unholy vain.
Happy hour is a magical time of the day where reduced-price cocktails and select food items are to be consumed with glee and abandon. You know what it’s not the time for? Frappuccinos, Taco Bell slop and alcohol-free sugar bombs. Ain’t nobody got time for that when they’re trying to get their happy hour on.
Don’t you see? These restaurants are trying to trick you! They’re playing off the incomparable happiness you feel when you hear the words “happy hour” and I for one am appalled.
First of all, a two hour happy hour is a weak move anyway, Starbucks. And being amped up from the caffeine, but also lethargic from the pound of sugar you just consumed is exactly the opposite of how I want to feel during happy hour.
Taco Bell is really trying to bamboozle us with those drinks that are definitely supposed to look like real cocktails. WE CAN SEE THROUGH IT GUYS. I will say though that these mocktails seem like they could be pretty OK receptacles for the adult treat of your choice, but it’s still a mockery of happy hour. You already know how I feel about those grillers.
What Sonic is doing here is particularly cruel when you consider the fact that we’re constantly bombarded with their commercials but actual Sonic restaurants don’t seem to exist anywhere but four or five states. ALSO “hours may vary by location.” WTF is that? That is not how it works, homies.
Let’s make this clear guys, happy hour this ain’t. Please stop sullying the name of my favorite time of the day with your sham marketing.