#sasstag is no more but if you need to feel that hole in you heart, head over to Yo, I’m Just Sayin… for more updates on pop culture and general ridiculousness from Kara!
To all of our dear #sasstag readers,
After nearly a year and a half of the best sass we had to offer, #sasstag is coming to an end. Shir just moved to LA and while a bicoastal blog sounds enticing, there is just something very NYC-centric about our site. We want to thank you, our friends/family/readers, for supporting and enjoying #sasstag. Our goal was to make you laugh and we hope we were able to do that once or twice.
While there won’t be anymore #sasstag updates, we would love to continue discussing Justin Bieber’s selfie addiction and Lindsay Lohan’s legal troubles with you, so keep in touch on Twittier (@shirgenish @kararbrown).
And for your blogging needs, Kara is going to continue to bring you the lolz on a new site! Stay tuned for updates on her blog, which will launch at the end of the month.
Again, thank you all so much for reading! It’s been a blast and we wouldn’t have made it this far without you guys.
-K & S
Each week we take a look at some of Twitter’s most entertaining trending topics and provide some deep and meaningful insight. Or we just bitch about it.
April May 4th-May 10th
- Chris Brown
Why: The singer reveals that he and Rihanna have officially broken up
Shir: Good news all around, right? Wrong. Considering the first time they broke up was because of a physical altercation, I doubt that this quiet “schedule conflict” breakup is going to keep them apart for long.
Kara: Ugh shut up shut up shut up you dumb, dumb, completely unself-aware fool. If Rihanna didn’t feel the need to open up about freeing herself from your dumbass, then there’s no reason you needed to. Even I’m over this.
- Lauryn Hill
Why: Lauryn Hill is sentenced to prison for tax evasion
Shir: If they’re sending Lauryn Hill to jail and all Lindsay Lohan got was a vacation at the Betty Ford clinic, there is something VERY wrong with the judicial system in this country.
Kara: GUYS, does this mean she released that horrible new song for nothing? That is by far the worst part about this whole mess.
- Las Vegas
Why: Britney Spears will have a residency in Las Vegas
Shir: Give me all the details and the tickets ASAP, world. I have gone almost 24 years of my life without seeing Britney Spears performing live…and I am finally going to put an end to that.
Kara: She’s still around? Like, doing stuff? Performing and “singing”? I’m really unsure why bitches even bother with Vegas residencies after Miss. Dion kiiiiilled it during her five glorious, untouchable years there.
- Prince Harry
Shir: I can’t even pretend to care about this. Sorry I’m not sorry AT ALL, royal fam.
Kara: We already know how I feel about royalty…aka I don’t believe in it. So this Harry visit really ain’t doing it for me. Besides, we all know he’s just counting down the days until he can hightail it to Vegas for another naked, rich people party. (UGHHH I’ve mentioned Las Vegas twice in on week. My head hurts.)
It sounds crazy, but New York City is filled with some pretty cool people other than us. That is why we started our New Yorker of the Week series where we convince some really awesome New Yorkers to answer a bunch of our silly questions.
This week, meet Ashok Kondabolu aka Dapwell aka you’re already probably pretty familiar with him if you’re at all cool aka a Das Racist fan. Check out his answers has Dapwell #sasstags for us!
Name: Ashok Kondabolu (slightly known as Dapwell)
Occupation: Sexpot. Web ingenue.
Neighborhood: North Brooklyn (live)/Queens (born)
Favorite Twitter account: @thekidmero even though he doesn’t follow me anymore now that he “made it,” pfft.
Favorite place in NYC: Yeah, right.
Biggest NYC pet peeve: The people.
What competitive reality show would you win and why?: All of them cause I would fuck the executive producers.
Where would you live if you didn’t live in NYC?: Seattle, or South India. But probably the woods.
Popular song you are sick of/never liked: Taylor Swift.
Drink of choice: Fine teas.
Best way to spot a tourist: In the crowd of your terrible rap show, buying t-shirts for cash.
You know that thing you do with your lips where you stick them out and exhale so they flap quickly–usually while rolling your eyes? That is what I am doing right now becase Lil Wayne recently shared some deets about his next album and no, it doesn’t look like things will be getting any better.
This time, Weezy will be releasing an album of love songs because when I think of Lil Wayne, I naturally think of a mature, respectful approach to love and relationships.
Listen, I’m all for artists trying new things but Lil Wayne is already on some thin ice after the auditory trainwreck that was I Am Not A Human Being II. So excuse me if I’m not putting the fullest of trust in his creative compass.
The album will be called Devol, which is “loved” spelled backwards.
Excuse me while I pick by eyeballs up off the floor because they just rolled clean out of my face. That is literally the least creative thing I have ever heard. IS HE EVEN TRYING? Is Weezy just trolling us because Jesus hell that is terrible.
He goes on to explain:
“It’s my version of love songs. And what I mean by my version of love songs is they’re not saying I love you,”
Hmmm ok. Now, of course there are a lot of ways to say I love you without actually using the words, but is anyone else find this to be an eerily cryptic, slightly worrisome and fairly illogical explanation? No? Just me?
Let’s be real, Drake is pretty much the only rapper who can get away with this shit right now. Not just because of his wispy, sensitive nature, but because he seriously buys into it. He lives it. Unless Weezy’s album of love songs are to his skateboard and weed, I’m not buying it. Hey, that’s actually an ok idea. Lil Tunechi, call me for a collabo.
It’s been over a year since we last discussed the reincarnation of Ron Burgundy here on #sasstag, so it’s about time we had a catch up sesh. The continuation of the legend (no, really…it’s called Anchorman: The Legend Continues) got a release date- mark your calendars for December 2oth! Losing The Office this month is going to be a tough blow, but at least this sort of makes up for it.
Anyways, that date was actually announced a while back. The more pressing thing we need to talk about is that Kim Kardashian was on the movie’s set yesterday and it is sending shivers down my spine. Apparently, Kanye is making a cameo in the film (???) and Kim went to the film’s set in Atlanta to keep him company. I know that shouldn’t necessarily make anybody think she has anything to do with the movie, but the people working on this set are generally crazy– otherwise the first movie wouldn’t have been as amazing as we all know it to be. What if Kim’s presence on set gives them ideas they shouldn’t be having? THESE ARE THE THINGS I WORRY ABOUT, PEOPLE.
is what E! is using to scare the crap out of us with re: the Kim K thing. Maybe I’m missing something here but this isn’t the most solid of evidence…which is kind of a good thing in this case. What I am happy about, however, is this picture of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey also on the set, but actually acting out a scene in the movie:
Those are some new characters I’m very OK with seeing this time around.
“Always On Time” by Ja Rule feat. Ashanti
Guys, Ja Rule was released from federal prison on Tuesday!! The man who almost singlehandedly scored your middle school dances is a free man again. Although, “free” a bit subjective because now he’s under house confinement for the remainder of his sentence. Either way, let’s celebrate with him (for him?) with one of our favorite Ja Rule cuts.
I think we all need to have a frank conversation about what exactly constitutes happy hour because quite a few food establishments have been taking that name in unholy vain.
Happy hour is a magical time of the day where reduced-price cocktails and select food items are to be consumed with glee and abandon. You know what it’s not the time for? Frappuccinos, Taco Bell slop and alcohol-free sugar bombs. Ain’t nobody got time for that when they’re trying to get their happy hour on.
Don’t you see? These restaurants are trying to trick you! They’re playing off the incomparable happiness you feel when you hear the words “happy hour” and I for one am appalled.
First of all, a two hour happy hour is a weak move anyway, Starbucks. And being amped up from the caffeine, but also lethargic from the pound of sugar you just consumed is exactly the opposite of how I want to feel during happy hour.
Taco Bell is really trying to bamboozle us with those drinks that are definitely supposed to look like real cocktails. WE CAN SEE THROUGH IT GUYS. I will say though that these mocktails seem like they could be pretty OK receptacles for the adult treat of your choice, but it’s still a mockery of happy hour. You already know how I feel about those grillers.
What Sonic is doing here is particularly cruel when you consider the fact that we’re constantly bombarded with their commercials but actual Sonic restaurants don’t seem to exist anywhere but four or five states. ALSO “hours may vary by location.” WTF is that? That is not how it works, homies.
Let’s make this clear guys, happy hour this ain’t. Please stop sullying the name of my favorite time of the day with your sham marketing.
Sometimes Hump Day calls for a true cocktail experience. If you’re looking for deliciously crafted, high-quality cocktails, few places in New York are better than Silver Lining. The Tribeca cocktail bar likes to keep its focus on the classics–your martinis, your Manhattans. We celebrated our Hump Day this week with some delicious takes on a couple of great classics.
The Pan American Clipper has lime, grenadine and Applejack served up in an Absinthe-rinsed coupe. (Hear all those fancy words?)
Our next adult beverage was the Prescription Julep–rye, cognac, Jamican rum, mint and sugar over crushed ice. Both drinks were great and had more than a bit of a kick…if you’re into that kind of thing. (We’re very into that kind of thing.)
If you’re on the indecisive side or want to be a bit adventurous, just tell the Silver Lining bartenders what you like–type of spirit, sweet or spicy, etc–and they’ll mix up some specific to your taste.
Oh yes, we have a special guest appearance this week from our friend Resham! She is turning her love of chai into a book about the chai wallahs of India. In the meantime, you can check out her great blog and follow her on Twitter for great chai and tea related news and tips.
We hope you guys are getting bottled on this lovely Hump Day and make sure to schedule a trip down to Silver Lining. It’ll be more than worth it. Happy Hump Day!
-K & S
GUYS, Kreayshawn is pregnant and I don’t feel like the world is sufficiently concerned about this.
Look, it’s no secret that I’m not Kreayshawn’s biggest fan. She’s obnoxious and makes terrible, terrible music and hangs out with dumb people and generally shames the entire history of rap and hip hop culture, but I don’t actively wish any ill will on the girl.
Honestly, I’m just not confident that this is the best life move for Kreayshawn. She’s coming off of perhaps the most humiliating album debut an artist has ever had. I’m worried that she might see this baby business as a distraction of sorts–a hobby if you will–until she returns to music (which, let’s be clear, she should never return to music).
There are just some issues I’m still working through with all of this:
- Kreayshawn is 23 years-old. Most normal 23 year-olds shouldn’t be responsible for a human child.
- She announced her pregnancy through Instagram, complete with weeping cartoon graphics:
- No one who Instagrams a selfie every two days should be a parent. I WILL STAND BY THAT STATEMENT FOREVER.
- Who exactly is this man who impregnated her and will (hopefully) be raising this child with her? Is it this guy?
- WHO IS THIS GUY? Make yourself known man. There are some very serious conversations that need to be had.
- This tweet:
Motherhood is bout to be my new hood! LOL!!
— ♥Kreay Saint Kreay♥ (@KREAYSHAWN) May 5, 2013
I’m am not LOLing Kreayshawn. I am not LOLing.