Last night, country singer Randy Travis was arrested under suspicion of DWI. Guys, OMFG AKLSJDF ALKSJDF IOWEDCLKLAJKDSFLK AJSDFKLJ WIEJASDKJKL AJFA; SDKJA KADFIAOWEJSDK
I am so over this shit. O-V-E-R. OVER IT.
Drunk driving, in general, is bullshit. It is one of the dumber, more selfish decisions an adult human being can make. But I am particularly sick of hearing about celebrities being busted for drunk driving. I mean, look at these clowns:
They are literally the last people on the planet who should find themselves under arrest for drunk driving. Why?
- They’re rich
Like, stupid rich. They can afford alternatives. I know that’s not the only reason people drive drunk but it must be a factor. Plus, when it’s already been a problem for you, (I’m looking at you Lindsey) then perhaps it’s time to find a solution that doesn’t involve you being behind a wheel. The real question is this: WHY DON’T THESE MORONS HIRE DRIVERS? Literally every time I hear about a celebrity DUI, that’s my first thought. They can afford drivers, car services, cabs, freakin’ helicopters if they want. Hell, I bet complete strangers would be willing to drive their asses home. They have every possible alternative at their disposal yet none of these idiots choose to use them.
- They have entourages
Celebrities are constantly surrounded by people. They literally pay people to be their friends. To those people I say: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY AREN’T YOU STOPPING THIS? Your only job is to stroke their egos and makes sure these celebrites don’t die. That’s it. Seriously people, you’re doing a really crappy job at your very limited responsibilities.
- There are certain laws even celebrities aren’t above
They may get out of parking and speeding tickets easily, but cops don’t play that game with drunk drivers. They’re not going to peek in the window and see that it’s Khole Kardashian and say “Oh, it’s YOU. I’m just going to let it slide that by driving under the influence, you’re putting yourself and (much more importantly) everyone else on the road in serious danger. Because ya know, you’re Khole Kardashian, a vital and respected member of society.” THEY ARE NOT GOING TO SAY THIS.
- They know it’s going to be in the news
Unlike regular people, when celebrities are arrested for DUIs, the whole world is bombarded with news of their idiocy. You would think the possibility of public humiliation would be enough to dissuade this behavior, but apparently I’ve underestimated their shamelessness. For realz though, this only ends up being a bigger hassle for the celebrity. Everyone is going to remember it. You’ll have to answer questions regarding your DUI for years to come. Paparazzi will harass you more than they already do. News outlets will continue to cover the status of your charges. Because of your notoriety, a judge might choose to make an example of you and you’ll find your ass in jail. (See: Paris Hilton) All-around, this is just going to suck.
Look, NO ONE should be drinking and driving. It’s stupid, shows complete disregard for the safety of others, and is altogether unnecessary. But for some reason I have a special arsenal of hatred for celebrities who drink and drive.
So I’ve made some decisions. I don’t care if I have this authority or not but I’m doing it. To all valet attendants, if you have to lie and say you lost the keys. do it. Paparazzi, if you have to physically block the cars of inebriated celebrities from moving, do it. Friends and staff, if you have to shove yourself into the driver’s seat, do it. You will be potentially saving the lives of non-entitled, selfish, egomaniacs. Humanity will thank you. Oh yeah, and celebrities, THINK ABOUT PEOPLE OTHER THAN YOURSELF STOP DRINKING AND DRIVING.