#trendingtopics

25 Friday May 2012

Posted by in Trending Topics

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 19th- May 25th

  • the master

When: 5/21

Why: Rumors are swirling that Beyonce used the Master Cleanse to drop her baby weight and Jillian Michaels is none too pleased.

Shir: Is it a bad thing that she used the Master Cleanse? Who cares how she lost the weight? She could have gotten some lipo right then and there after BIC popped out and people should still just keep their mouths shut. As if nobody else in the world has done some desperate things to drop some pounds.

Kara: I actually tried the Master Cleanse once. I think I lasted nine hours. One more reason why I am not Beyonce.

  • Made in America

When: 5/22

Why: Tickets for Jay-Z’s Labor Day weekend music festival go on sale.

Shir: I love me some music festivals. There are certainly not enough of them that include more than a few rappers. #cantwaitwontwait

Kara: In general I’m not a huge musical festival fan because they often involve a lot of dirty hippies and very questionable bathroom set-ups. However, I will suck it up for Hov because this is going to be AWESOME. 

  • The Great Gatsby

When: 5/23

Why: The trailer for Baz Luhrmann’s Great Gatsby movie is released.

Shir: The cast looks great but I cannot get over the floating zebra in the pool, the misspelling of Ziegfield, and the use of some Watch The Throne music in the trailer. All in less than a minute. It is so overwhelming! What is the full movie supposed to make us feel like?

Kara: First of all, this book should never be made into a movie. All of the other versions failed and there’s a reason why. Allow me to rant: The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books of all time. What makes it so amazing is the writing—it’s like poetry. The actual story really isn’t that spectacular. So, what’s the problem with adapting it into a film? It can only recreate the story and not the beauty of the writing. Bottom line: this trailer is atrocious and the movie will be worse.

  • Lamar Odom

When: 5/24

Why: Lamar Odom is apparently trying to play for the New York Knicks next season.

Shir: I feel like the world is really turning against this Kfamily, and they should stick together right now rather than split themselves up between two coasts. It looks like things are about to get ugly, and those six hours from NYC to LA are going to feel especially long for Khloe now. Don’t do it! Even though you’re the only one I can still tolerate! But if you do move to NYC, Khloe, lets hang out. 

Kara: Nope. No thank you. I don’t want any Kardashian living in NYC in any manner that resembles permanence, even you Khole. You people are just too much and I don’t mean that in a good way. Besides, the Knicks already have “celebrity athletes” and look where that’s gotten them. 

  • Britney Spears Walks Off

When: 5/24

Why: Britney Spears walks off the “X Factor” set either because a contestant butchered one of her songs during an audition or because she needed a break.

Shir: This is the Lindsey Lohan on “SNL” thing all over again. It is awkward. Nobody wants this person to fail, but they are going to.

Kara: If she walked off because one of the contestants ruined her song, that’s just sad on a number of levels. Brit, have you heard yourself sing live? You butcher your own songs so give other peeps a break. And if she walked off just because she felt like a nap, well, I hope the “X-Factor” cast and crew is prepared for a very long season because Papa Jamie ain’t around anymore! 

#hiphopsquares

24 Thursday May 2012

Posted by in Movies, Television

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The arrival of MTV2′s Hip Hop Squares has occured and it is quite stupendous. They basically just jacked the original Hollywood Squares idea and added rappers because what game show wouldn’t be bettered by the presence of hip hop stars? Hip Hop Squares is hosted by a friendly-looking bald man named Peter Rosenberg, who I can only assume was chosen to make the show less intimidating to white people.

Side note: apparently MTV2 has a pretty loose definition of “hip hop” because some of the upcoming guests include Vinny from the Jersey Shore, Asher Roth, Jessica White, and the crazy, plastic Barbie-looking lady from Mob Wives.

So, yeah, Hip Hop Squares is pretty awesome. The first episode featured Fat Joe, Kat Graham, Dj Khaled, Tech N9ne, Mac Miller, Ghostface Killah, Childish Gambino, Donnell Rawlings, and MGK. Below is my running commentary from the first episode.

  • The credits just informed me that the show is filmed in Brooklyn. If this is true, Shir, we I need to get tickets ASAP. For surious.
  • I’m pretty sure I would watch anything with Fat Joe, even though he ain’t that fat no mo’.
  • One of the contestants is named Inqu. (Try to pronounce that.) I bet she was chosen off of that alone (and she’s pretty easy on the eyes). No hate, but Inqu does not look too bright for someone who apparently goes to Columbia.

  • The other contestant, Alejandro, is quite clearly kind of a moron. He starts his vague explanation about being “in school” without giving the name or explaining what he’s studying and then trails off and just yells “Puerto Rico in the building!” Ok Alejandro, ok.

  • Mac Miller is higher than a space shuttle.

  • Also, why is Mac Miller in the center square? Isn’t that position reserved for the most reputable star, or at least the funniest?
  • MGK is on ecstasy over in the corner. Everyone is calling him “MGK” instead of “Machine Gun Kelly” is that what we’re calling him now? Who am I kidding? It doesn’t matter. We probably won’t be calling him anything in eight months.

  • Peter Rosenberg: “Yo, get your pig junk game up son” HE ACTUALLY SAID THOSE WORDS WITHOUT A HINT OF IRONY OR SHAME. Obama/Rosenberg 2012!
  • MGK is trying too hard.
  • So apparently a Tata is a car and not a boob. WHO KNEW? Ghostface Killah knew, that’s who.
  • The G spot. Fat Joe is the G spot. What brilliance.
  • Mac Miller is not funny and very, very high.

  • My new goal in life is to write the questions for this show.
  • Actual question: “If an Amish man has a beard, it means what?”
  • Alejandro is really proving himself to be a moron. Now that he gets to pick a square first, he picks the middle square because: “Strategy. It’s all strategy.” No, Alejandro, it’s just common sense! How have you not played tic-tac-toe before appearing on this show?!
  • Mac Miller is so fucking high.
  • I feel bad for Tech9. He has been completely irrelevant to this entire production.

  • Actually, Mac Miller might be having a stroke.
  • Alejandro, WHY DO YOU THINK MAC MILLER DOESN’T KNOW WHAT JOINT JUICE IS? What do you think that yellow crap in his cup is?

  • I want nothing more in life than to be friends with DJ Khaled. He would let me tug on his beard and then scoop me up in arms and whisper in my ear “we the best.”

  • Everyone completely forgot about Kat Graham and her stupid sunglasses. (Quick, name a Kat Graham song.)

  • These fools are playing for a grand total of like $4,000. I mean, don’t get me wrong, that’s a solid amount of money and I’d be happy to have it but if Hip Hop Squares wants to be legit, they really need to adopt the irresponsible consumerism of today’s artists.
  • I totally could have won this game.
  • Donnell Rawlings literally said nothing.
  • Much like Say Yes to the Dress, I could watch this on loop forever.

-K

(All images via MTV2)

#uggs

24 Thursday May 2012

Posted by in Why is this a thing?

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

According to some sources a Google search, the wedding industry in the US is worth almost $50 billion. That is a shit ton of money spend on par-tays for relationships that will likely end in divorce (look at me, always so optimistic…). Naturally, I understand every business person and company trying to get in on this booming industry, but society must draw a line. And fast.

First, it was Bebe getting into the game with their bridal boutique. Now, the company that brought us the second ugliest shoe in the world (thanks, Crocs!), Ugg Australia, is trying to get a slice of the pie.

OK, first of all, who does the slogan ‘your wedding just got cozier’ appeal to? Anybody who knows me would agree that I put comfort above most things in life, but even I would suck up the potential for blisters and wear some pretty kickass heels on my wedding day. Who in their right mind would spend months picking out a dress, going to fittings, being tied and zipped into some sort of corset/tight dress situation, to ultimately be concerned about how comfortable her shoes are?

The only circumstance in which I see these being slightly appropriate is if a bride is getting married outdoors during a blizzard, but I would also assume that means she is being forced to marry against her will, and the shoes on her feet would be the least of her concerns.

What is next? Nuptial North Face jackets? Wedding Pajama Jeans? BRIDAL SNUGGIES???!!!

Ugg(hhhhhh).

-S

#jasonderulo

23 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by in Movies

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Yesterday JAY-son Deruuulooooo released his new song, “Undefeated”.

A few facts to manage your expectations for this track:

  • It debuted during the American Idol finale
  • It was written with help from a Coca-Cola promotion
  • You can download it for free

Have your expectations been sufficiently lowered? Good. Keep going.

“Undefeated” is part of the Coca-Cola Perfect Harmony program which invited fans to submit lyrics and the top three were put to a vote. JAY-son Deruuulooooo then incorporated the winning lyrics into the song, you know, like a real artist.

(Via Coca-Cala)

Musing on the creative process, JAY-son Deruuulooooo says:

“I’ve written songs for some of the most recognized performers in music today and no matter how talented an artist is, a hit song is always a collaborative effort,”

Yes, a collaborative effort among professional artists not randos with internet connections.

In semi-related news, apparently JAY-son Deruuulooooo is dating former American Idol winner Jordin Sparks. Which, what the hell? Did anyone else know that? I guess the real question is, does anyone else care? I did not know this because I did not know that JAY-son Deruuulooooo liked women.

(Via Michael Becker, FOX)

(I don’t mean to make light of his misfortune, but is this not one of the sadder pictures you’ve ever seen? Between the neck brace and two people clinging on for dear life to the C-list…it’s just too much.)

Speaking the neck brace! Ok, I’m not a monster. I’m not going to make fun of the man because he fractured his neck. However, I absolutely will make fun of him for bedazzling his neck brace.

(Casey Rodgers / AP Images for Coke)

Anyway, these are the winning lyrics that were put in the song:

  • “Can’t change the past no matter how I try”
  • “Cause this might be my last chance”
  • “Yesterday’s gone, I’ve found my way somehow”
  • “There’s no time for fear, you only live once”

What unmitigated brilliance from American Idol viewers! These lines sound like they were written using a book of Mad Libs.

However, to be fair, the lyrics that JAY-son Deruuulooooo presumably wrote himself are pretty horrendous also.

Wish I knew then what I know now,
But, I, I can’t change the past no matter how I try, I
So Imma get up and dance, you know
Cause this might be my last chance,
Like there’s nobody around,
Even gravity can’t keep me down.

Lordy Jesus that is painful. And that’s WITHOUT the music. These are some of the most plodding, uninventive lyrics I’ve ever heard. JAY-son Deruuulooooo what happened to “Whatcha Say”? “Or Ridin’ Solo”? This is what happens when you use properly spelled words in your song titles!

So, yeah, this song is terrible, which probably means you’ll be hearing it nonstop on the radio all summer.

-K

#mileycyrus

23 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by in Celebrities

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It is too early for this. Well…any time is too early for this, actually. And one cup of coffee is simply not enough to get me through seeing another photo of Miley Cyrus being a hobo.

This is becoming a pattern for Miley, but she is cutting back on the amount of fabric she is willing to wear at an exponential rate and that is concerning to me.

Questions I wish I could have answers to:

What is going through her mind?

She is smiling in this picture. Why? Is she happy that she is almost flashing the entire world? Is she happy she forgot her shoes at home? Is she happy that the world is seeing her large dreamcatcher tattoo?

This is as puzzling to me as Mona Lisa’s smile.

Why is she not wearing shoes?

This would be acceptable on a beach, perhaps, but there is a large vehicle behind her in the photo which leads me to believe she is running around barefoot in an urban environment. The Jewish mother in me is really concerned for her hygiene and safety.

Where does she purchase her clothing? 

I feel comfortable calling myself an expert shopper at this point in life, and I can say with absolute certainty that I have never seen a garment like this being sold in stores. I suppose there are a good amount of man tank-esque things that would allow for an equal amount of side boob, but this shirt has a collar and potentially buttons down the front of it. She is thisclose to being classy.

I want more (fabric) for her!

-S

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 50 other followers